40 Shades of Me
Turned 40 in January. Yes, being a January girl does always mean starting the year with much enthusiasm. New year, new you, well older you. A time to spring clean, declutter and work out what I want to do this year. Turning 40 was no different, except I spent it in the life of luxury at the Savoy Hotel in London for two nights, indulging in cocktails (Winspin anyone?) and gorging on theatre. With two small children, it will be a while again before I can play at dress up again. There was a brief moment, funnily enough near midnight of said birthday where I thought "yikes, how did I end up 40? When did I suddenly get grown up and sensible? And mum-sy?" There goes my dreams of Hollywood stardom and gracing the Instagram pages - though wasn't it more fun in the 1990s when the glossy magazines did articles on actress's styles, charting them through the years? Or rushing out to get Hello's 20 page spread on Oscars' fashion. Doesn't quite work digitally. Anyway I digress. I guess there is still the unbegotten dream of being a published author if (1) I have the time to write (2) I have the time to send it off and (3) I manage to get out of the 'slush pile', which is easily accomplished if I was already an established name, hence back to unbegotten dream of Hollywood star.
Dreams aside, I find it interesting to observe that while I've somewhat evolved over the past 40 years and definitely more confident and at ease with myself (in my head, I am my best friend, which is good given I accompany me at all times), I am also all those characters I've accumulated down through the years - the shy school girl, the imaginative kid, the insecure wannabe goth/grunge/hippychic teenager, the fashion conscious twentysomething party singleton, the heartbreaker, the soppy girl that's dumped, career driven wife, thirtysomething young mother. I've been fat, thin, inbetween with black/brown/red/various shades of blonde. I've been rebellious, angry, sad, happy and everything inbetween. Periods of notable highs and lows. I've gained life experience yet am still naive. And yes, I did think that when I'd get to my forties I would be financially secure but instead after mortgage, childcare and bills, I'm poorer now than I was as a student. I can still dream. I still have places to see and things to do. I can be impromptu and it's okay that I'm not perfect - all the time! Ha ha!
They say that Capricorns are the dullest of the starsigns but they also say that we get younger as we get older. Here's to that!